Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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