hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
