remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
