hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
