I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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