My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
MIDGETS
????
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
