I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
