she was so not down for the gang bang
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
