Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
