We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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