So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
