Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
