Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
