worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
