Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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