I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
