**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize