Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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