The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
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