How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
