Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
you never un-have a 4some
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
that is very illegal...i love you.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
