The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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