we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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