so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
