So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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