you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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