how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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