I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Come share oat with me in your robe
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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