Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Damn victory sex feels great
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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