i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
