apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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