just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
