I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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