Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
