you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
