I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
