You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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