I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
His nipple licking is glorious
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