i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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