I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
