It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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