he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He kissed a someone with a penis
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
