Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
