Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
