Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We are two peas in an std pod
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
