In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize