i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Alive.
So much puke
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
