My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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