Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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