Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
