So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
