i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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