My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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