Sorry, I don't speak sober.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
