i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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