If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
