She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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