If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
