Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
